When disciplining teenagers, be consistent

by Corrie Lynne Player
author of Loving Firmness: Successfully Raising Teenagers Without Losing Your Mind

Consistency Is Most Important

In disciplining teenagers, sometimes sticking to a plan, once a punishment or course of action has been devised, becomes uncomfortably difficult for a parent. I finally learned, after going through enough similar situations with several teenagers, to trust my instincts and the quiet voice of my conscience.

One of the hardest discipline tests my husband and I ever faced occurred during the high school graduation of one of our sons. That experience taught us to pay attention to our conscience and our instincts.

Some of our boy’s friends had rented a fancy house for an all-night party, and he wanted to attend the grad bash of the year. However, when Gary and I asked for names and phone numbers of parents who’d vouch that drugs and alcohol weren’t part of the scene, he couldn’t, or wouldn’t, tell us. At first, he didn’t believe that we would actually stop him from a “once-in-a-lifetime” experience. But when his explanations (“Look, there’ll be security all over the place”) and pleas (“Man, everybody who’s anybody will be there”) failed, he spent the night alone in his room.

I remember how bad I felt as I walked by his door and saw my handsome son lying on his bed, tears trickling from his closed eyes onto his pillow (we made him keep his door open, because he’d snuck out his window a few times). I thought, “Maybe I am overreacting—after all, he has been pretty good lately.” Then I thought, “If the party were on the level, he would be able to tell us who was chaperoning.” I couldn’t get rid of the nagging feeling that we needed to keep him away from that party.

A few weeks later he admitted that heavy drugs and drinking were a planned part of the festivities and he was glad we’d kept him away.

When struggling to direct your own teenager, remember that successful discipline involves (1) understanding “teen logic,” (2) handling your anger appropriately and avoiding contention whenever possible, and (3) maintaining consistency. Most of all, remember to seek solace and guidance from your spiritual leaders and keep your sense of humor. Prayer and laughter help survivors of tornadoes and floods and they’ll help you!