Handling a teenage curfew violation

by Corrie Lynne Player
author of Loving Firmness: Successfully Raising Teenagers Without Losing Your Mind

My teen was instructed that he had an 11:00 curfew on this night. Here's how he dealt with it: “Mom usually goes to bed to read and eat candy bars at about 11:00. Then she falls asleep around midnight. We’re supposed to go into her room and tell her when we get home. If I’m lucky, I can sneak in the house and get into bed without her knowing I didn’t come in until 2:30, way past curfew. Then I’ll just act like I suddenly remembered to check in.”

My teenager ignored evidence from other instances that should have warned him that I monitored curfews carefully. I always made sure everybody was tucked in before I went to sleep (I even set my alarm for curfew times). I’d been up at 12:00, 1:00, 1:30, and 2:00. I was just stumbling down the hall, again, when I met him at 2:30.

A teenager trying to sneak in past curfew

Dressed in a tee shirt and briefs, the teenager yawned and rubbed his eyes. “Oh, hi, Mom; I’m sorry I forgot to check in. I just woke up and remembered.” Then he smiled sweetly and put his arms around me.

When I tell parents they have to learn to think like a teenager, I don’t mean they should be taken in by the thinking.

This particular teenager was a master of manipulation. He’d befuddled me more times than I cared to admit, but I’d finally caught on. And I can thank him for the lessons I learned. (Some of the younger kids didn’t thank him, however.)

Take a deep breath and count to ten

How I dealt with all that boy’s oddball thinking and blatant violations points up a most important aspect of discipline: Never react when you’re angry—always think through how you will respond and be sure your response fits the offense.

When I realized my con artist child actually thought I’d believe his idiotic statement, I exploded. “Don’t give me that sleepy I-just-remembered nonsense! I checked your bed a half hour ago at 2:00 and you weren’t in it! You deserve to be grounded until you’re eighty-five! Get out of my sight! I’m so mad right now I can’t be responsible for what I say or do. I may beat you to death. We’ll talk in the morning.”

“Oh,” was all he answered.

A general approach to teenage curfews - Be specific, be consistent, and be sure they're enforced.